From Flamin’ Cheetos to Hot Doritos, hot is where it’s at. Food reporter Faith Davis has sampled five of the most popular snacks and rated them according to the intensity of their hotness; five being the least hot and one being the hottest.
5. FETTY WAP HONEY JALAPENO RAP SNACKS –
Founded in 1994, Rap Snacks maintains an assortment of unique-flavored chips and popcorns with a different rapper on every product. Yo! Bag up these sweet new chips by yo’ favorite One-Eyed rapper Fetty Wap. Deez boys be bangin’, fam’, so share a bag with your squad today! Be sure to keep an eye out for them at your local Hood gas station.
HOTNESS RATING- Not chronic
4. UNCLE RAY'S HOT FLAVORED POTATO CHIPS-
Made in Detroit, the back of each bag features a story from "The Life and Times of Uncle Ray," who apparently is a real person. This line of chips includes flavors like BBQ, salt and vinegar, cheddar and sour cream, dill pickle, and of course, the hot ones! Uncle Ray's stories aren't very spicy, but his hot chips aren't bad. Remember the time your mom decided to experiment with just “a little” pepper on the family dish? If you’re going to check these potato snacks out, be sure to keep some milk on standby just in case.
HOTNESS RATING- Serving size for those who value their taste buds: two chips
3. CHESTER’S FLAMIN’ HOT FRIES-
What’s the worst a literal potato cut into slim, greasy sticks and coated in bright red mystery powder can do to you? A whole lot, apparently, if you’re talking about Chester’s Hot Fries. In 1993, the Frito-Lay company decided that their Crunchy Cheetos, Cheetos Puffs, and Flamin' Hot Cheetos just weren’t creating enough trans fats in total, thus the “Hot Fry” was born. Today, the company has over 21 products available. And you wonder why Proactiv is making so much money.
HOTNESS RATING- You'd drink out of a New York City puddle to relieve the burn
2. FLAMIN’ HOT FUNYUNS-
You may have only heard of the original Funyuns, but someone was actually enthusiastic enough about onions to come up with not only a hot version, but also a “Chile Lemon” flavored bag and a bag called “Steakhouse Onion”...whatever that is. Funyuns is an acronym for fun onions. The only possible fun you can have with the product is to stack them on your index finger, leaving behind that annoying finger staining red hot Funyun dust. If you’re looking for a food that smells like the perfect blend of hot gym socks and artificially flavored pixie dust, Flamin’ Hot Funyuns has you covered.
HOTNESS RATING-Call the ambulance
1. PAQUI CAROLINA REAPER MADNESS CHIP-
This chip is made from the Carolina Reaper pepper (currently the hottest pepper on earth) and is so potent that they are sold in single serving packages shaped like a little cardboard coffin. They are currently on back order (a two month waiting period) and are bringing up to eighty bucks a chip on eBay. Paqui holds no accountability for any damages including, but not limited to: stains, hallucinations, heart attack, burns, heat exhaustion and death.
HOTNESS RATING- Call the coroner
Hot snacks have recently come under fire for their low nutritional value as well as their spiciness, which can inflame your stomach lining and lead to a trip to the emergency room. Frito Lay, the manufacturer of “Flamin’ Hot Cheetos,” says they are "committed to responsible and ethical practices, which includes not marketing our products to children age 12 and under." So why is the mascot for their product a cartoon cheetah? The bottom line- choose your hot snacks wisely, and don’t go for the burn.
